Happy Solstice, today we celebrate the brightness of the sun. Abundance, joy. But with the midpoint of the year comes the flip side to the sun - the decent into shadow. In the circles I run in, there’s a lot
of talk about shadow. Shadow Work is becoming a buzzword, and I for one am throwing it around like beads at Mardi Gras, Shadow Work for everyone, just show me your soul!
But what is it? And how do we do it?
Well for starters it’s hard and dark work and it’s not recommended you go deep into that dark woods alone. Not recommended by me at least. I understand the inclination to work alone. I’m a self-starter, a self-teacher, and with most things I subscribe to the theory that you can give me a book and I can learn/do anything. And that still holds true for a lot. But man. Shadow work is a whole different story.
For a long time I heard the words shadow work and thought “Yeah, i feel good. I don't think I need that.” As someone who has made it through most of life with little to no big T Trauma, I felt like I didn't have too many shadows lurking in my subconscious to be met with and vanquished. But a few years ago I signed up for a program of integration, with the intention of reclaiming myself after years and years of repeated pregnancy/childbirth and boy did I get way more than I bargained for. The biggest lesson? Yes, yes i did have shadow work to do. But also while shadow work is HARD, it does not have to be scary. My misconception of Shadow Work was that it was all about facing demons from outside of yourself and confronting them unassisted in a dark alley. The truth of shadow work is that it’s about meeting the parts of yourself that feel left behind, unloved, misunderstood, and confronting them with compassion, then ideally moving out of that dark alley skipping and holding hands. The thing about shadows is that they’re not an outside force. It’s an inside job, which is sometimes even scarier. Another misconception I had about shadow work was that it’s about banishing the shadow so that it’s gone for good. The truth is that the shadows are pieces of yourself that LOVE you. They love you so much that they’re protecting you behind the scenes most times without you even realizing it. The aim of shadow work is not to banish them, but to know them. To ask them what they’re afraid of, to give them gratitude and grace and invite them to be a part of the incredible and complex creature that is you. For them to be a part that is seen, heard, acknowledged, and utilized with discretion.
While that can sound happy and lovely, like let’s all just put out a picnic blanket in our mind and invite everyone to introduce themselves, we’ll be friends by the end of the afternoon, that notion is what we call spiritual bypassing. You can’t just have a playdate and call it good. Shadow work comes from deep understanding, from showing yourselves the scars that you hide even from yourself. From hearing and saying the things you didn’t know you didn’t dare to say.
Often to do this, you need someone to ask the questions. The hard questions, and invite you to the hard answers. The truth at the heart of it all. Because the essence of the shadow is that it’s hard to see. It sits behind us in our blind spot on purpose. And sometimes it takes an outside source to help you see it, to hold a mirror at the right angle, to find the insight that you couldn’t find. But aside from this, the truth is that it deserves to be witnessed. These parts of yourself, and your growth through them deserves to be witnessed. Your hard and often heartbreaking work deserves to be seen, even if only by one person who can say “i’m proud of you.”
That person can be a lot of things, i recommend branching out from just a best friend. Therapists are great. I especially highly recommend EMDR and Internal Family Systems as far as therapy goes. I also recommend getting a little “woo” and working with some form of energy healing and/or divination. For shadow work you undoubtedly need access to the unseen, and it can be so much more sustainable if you’re taking care of yourself in ways that are less active.
I have a lot more to say about why shadow work is important, but i’ll save that for another day. I’ll leave you with the invitation to get started. Reach out to me or anyone else you feel comfortable with and take the first step. Shadow work is not only for those who are in too deep fighting shadows daily sword in hand. It’s for those who feel stuck or overwhelmed and don’t know what’s stopping them. It’s for those who think they’re ok but have an inkling that there’s something more. Frankly, it’s for everyone who wants access to their best self and highest expression. And the good news is, myself and so many others are here to help.
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